THE CUTIE CALLBOY

I was strolling around Divisoria last week, around 8 in the evening. I just finished having dinner with my old classmates from High School. It was a mini-reunion to reminisce the care-free days. I passed around Velez-Cruz Taal Streets, then paliko to Jollibee. As I scanned the many faces, there was this guy wearing a body hugging yellow shirt attempting to smile at me. At least I thought he was. I was like… You smiling at me? But I guessed he was smiling at everyone else, just trying to see who’ll get hooked by his charm. As I passed him, I rotated my neck ( SLOW MOTION PLEASE ) and saw that he was still smiling at me. I took a second glance at him and he was still glued at my direction. Could it be love? Serendipity, that I would meet this good looking creature. Mangarap ka ng gising! I said to myself. This is not a movie!

We played tag. I took a turn around Pabayo Streets, just to check if he really was interested in me. If he is, he would get the idea and meet me around. And he did! I stopped at a corner near Rose Pharmacy, pretending to text someone, a defense mechanism used by most people to hide the awkwardness. Aminin!!! He came right up to me. Still smiling. Pa cute jud kaayo. I can’t resist! He is shorter than me, slim, medyo spiked ang hair. But I can’t stop looking at his eyes, they looked sad, needing attention. Or gakadala lang ko?

We talked…

Callboy: Hi. Naa kay kauban?

Me: Wala man. Ako ra isa.

CB: Ah. Lodge ta? (Kadali gud! No beating around the bush. So much for Serendipity!)

Me: Ha? Aha dapit? (Curious daw oh!)

CB: Dana ra sa King William. ( How obvious naman! )

Then… my first cousin suddenly came into view. Patay ko karon. We said our kumustahan kadali, I’m so glad it was short because I don’t know how to introduce my new companion. Guilty man! My cousin then went on his way…

Me: Hehehe. Ako ig-agaw to.

CB: OK ra. So unsa man…tagai lang dayon ko 500. Palipayon jud tika bai. Tila-an ko na imong itlog. (By this time I smelled something awful but I couldn’t be sure what)

Me: Wala man ko dala daghan kwarto karon bai. (Char lang gud! Basin ma hangyo)

CB: OK ra 200 nalang bai. Malipay gyud ka nako. ( I smelled it again!)

Me: Basin pwede next time nalang ta, taga-i nalang ko imo number.

CB: Karon nalang bai, lami na kaayo. Dako ning ako-a lagi, dili ka magmahay. ( There goes the smell again! It’s his BREATH!!!!!)

Me: (Hesitant na) Sunod nalang siguro, gadali pa pud ko bai.

CB: Sige na bai, karon na lang. (Definitely his breath! Yuck na gyud!)

Me: Sunod nalang lagi…. ( ug nahadlok nako, he may hold-up me or what )

CB: Sige nalang, tagai nalang ko kwarta gamay, gutom naman gud ko. (Kaya siguro baho ng hininga mo)

Me: OK, next time na. (I handed him a 50 Peso bill, too cheap or too generous? I barely knew him kaya!)

Him: Salamat. Kita-kita rata puhon ( I hope we don’t!)

He turned around the corner and he was gone. Wala na din ang foul breath! Thank goodness! It was really bad. I couldn’t imagine kissing him at all! And him licking me. Kadiri talaga… sobra! Even if I’d gargle and wash my body all day, the stink would probably still linger. Cutie nga pero super minus naman sa oral hygiene. I’d rather kiss my dog.